Holding Three Pieces of My Heart

The first time you hold your child is always a moment a mother never forgets. It’s a little extra special for mother’s with babies in the NICU because she has been longing for that moment since her child took his first breath.

Since the triplets had been born I clung to the pictures I had of them when I was recovering in my hospital room. When I was down in the NICU I would take turns staring at them as their little hands held my finger. Finally, the evening after the babies had been born the nurse tells Joe and I, ” you should be able to hold them after change of shift.” This was the best thing she could have told me. We went back to my room for change of shift and to eat dinner. After dinner I was in so much pain from the c-section I couldn’t barely get out of bed to use the restroom. I was devastated. I knew I needed to rest and I had over done it by being in the NICU all day. I was sobbing because I just wanted to hold my babies and I couldn’t because I was in too much pain. There was no way I could get into my wheelchair for Joe to push me down to the NICU. I called my nurse to figure out my pain meds because I needed to go hold my babies. Apparently they were only giving me Tylenol, which was not going to cut it after having a c- section.

Joe took our close friends down to go meet the triplets while I stayed in my room. When Joe came back up to my room with more pictures for me, he told me we are allowed to hold Malia. He said the nurse asked him if he wanted to hold her, but he told her no because I needed to be the first one to hold them. He is a VERY smart man.

My pain meds had kicked in and I didn’t care how late or early it was, I was going to hold my babies. When we got down to the NICU the nurse already had everything set up so I could hold Malia. Holding her in my arms made me fall even more in love with her. I already loved her more than I ever though possible but, when I held her every ounce of love had for her tripled. Having triplets makes moments like these bitter sweet. I was so happy holding my sweet little girl, but also sad because I wanted to hold my little boys as well.

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Lucas’ nurse said we can also hold him. I felt so bad that he would have to wait for me to be done holding his sister before I could hold him so, I told Joe to hold him.  I knew with having triplets that we were more than blessed, but we would have to make some sacrifices as well. Letting Joe be the first person to hold Lucas was one of those sacrifices I had to make but, it was well worth it. Seeing my husband hold our child for the first time is another moment I will never forget. His tender touch with love and adoration in his eyes for our child as he can’t stop staring at him, made my heart sing. He then looked over at me and said, ” you did it, ” and gave me the same look of love and adoration. That moment strengthened my love for my husband.

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When it was my turn to hold Lucas I never would have guessed that he would curl up in my arms and have the sweetest face of contentment.  He was my strong little man who fought since the moment he was concieved to be in this world. It seemed like he knew this was the moment he had been fighting for. To be in my arms. This was also what I had been fighting for my entire pregnancy. To hold my healthy, beautiful, strong babies. IMG_2077

Fortunately, I was able to hold Mathis that same night as well. I knew that as soon as I held Mathis he would snuggle up as close as he could get and not move just like his sister and brother. I would fall even more in love with him, just like I did with Malia and Lucas. That is exactly what happened as soon as I held him. I finally had all three pieces of my heart back in my arms.

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It is extremely hard to keep yourself together when you have three babies that need their mother at the same time. I wanted to hold all of them, I knew the best thing for them was to be in my arms, but there is only one of me and three of them. Even if Joe held one and I held one, someone was still left out. Thankfully, the next morning we were able to hold two at a time. I would usually hold two babies, Joe would hold the third baby and we would rotate. The two babies that were held together would slowly inch their way closer together until they were practically on top of each other. Then they would settle in a take the sweetest nap together. Even when I was holding two of my babies, I still felt like something was missing, or someone.

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These three tiny humans and I shared the same body for 8 months and when they were born we were all separated. I knew that if I felt lonely without them, then they had to feel lonely as well. So, all I wanted was to hold all three of them together. Six days after they were born, I received the best wedding anniversary present. I was overjoyed that I was able to hold all three babies at the same time!!! It wasn’t until I held all three of them together that our family was complete. That moment when we were all together again made me feel like everything was right in the world. I also couldn’t grasp how they ALL fit in my belly. I saw pictures of the three of them while they were still in my belly. I felt the three of  them moving and fighting over space in my belly. I saw the three of them being born. However, it still seemed impossible that ALL three of them fit in my belly together, but here they were in my arms. God truly blessed us with three miracles and Joe and I will be forever grateful for our family.

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